#also not to expose myself as a weeb but

[daemon-in-my-head]

Bout that essay titled 'A study of Gortash's twisted love of humanity'- yk what fuck it here goes nothing. Back into a facists megalomaniacs mind we go. Spoiler; this is long.

But first of all; let's do a thought experiment. Let's just assume, for shits and giggles, Gortash's position would've somehow been swapped with any other the other chosen or another Banite:

Let's start with the Banites: if we had gotten anyone except for Gortash Baldur's Gate would've been fucked. Like genuinely. Banites are cruel, vicious, unashamedly gaudy (they suck ass at infiltration missions) and they exploit loopholes perhaps even better than fiends. Any other Banite would've simply reveled in the fear caused by rampant myrkulites and bhaalists and probably stoked that fire by employing some of their own forces. And depending on whether the Zhents join the winning side or not they would've probably used and abused the black network to absolutely dominate trade and potentially choke out every non desirable in the city itself by fun activities such as grand scale slavery, starving an entire city, or simply employing enough mercenaries and some Bhaalist to get the job done. Banites fuck everyone over so hard they usually don't even stop at themselves, and prideful cruel beings who know absolutely no bounds in their desire for power commonly don't hesitate, especially not Banites who thrive in backstabbing. So the other chosen and the grand design are fucked cuz they will most certainly get removed for the sake of someone more desirable the second they somehow irk Banes favourite toy. Which in some specific cases (all of them) would be in 5 minutes flat. If you thought the local nobility was bad just wait until you see a Banite in their natural environment.

Ketheric: Yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked. Ketheric cares about one thing and one thing only; Isobel. And he employs a bunch of sadistic necromancers who have no concept of personal boundaries or consent for that matter, so chances are he'd let them roam freely in Baldur's Gate, making the streets a huting ground for his followers to find prime subjects to perform inhumane experiments on all while he turns a blind eye; either busy trying to get Isobel under his (mind-) control, reviving her or treating a brainless puppet that looks and once was his daughter like his one true solution to decades of grief and fucking up. He wouldn't care about what happens to the city, to the other chosen or even the grand design. He'd follow his gods orders but thats about it and no matter whether that's still Myrkul or Bane; everyone's fucked cuz surpringly the guy who adores lichdom more than life and the other guy who'd rather 'burn everyone's fields than loose' aren't about to give out any orders that will benefit anyone but themselves.

Orin: Another great case of 'yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked'. Orin wants one thing and one thing only: recognition. Preferably from Bhaal but she'd take anyone at this point. The problem about this whole thing is, she's been conditioned and instilled with so much self-loathing my dearest murder princess can't even begin to realise when she's getting shown any sort of adoration anymore and immediately understands it as mockery, see, for example, her butler. Is what I would say if their corpse wasn't chilling in Durges old bedroom. All Orin would do is stage ever grander and more elaborate public massacres and involuntary 'anatomy displays'. Baldur's Gate wouldn't simply be fucked; give her a week, and the majority of it would be dead. This works well for Bhaal, but for anyone else, it would kinda suck. Including the other two of the dead three. And the cult would probably still loathe her simply due to her not being a true Bhaalspawn, so cue Orin's madness reaching an absolute boiling point. She doesn't and would never care for any of the other chosen or the grand design. Unless she's reigned in, she's a utterly loose canon, even more so than she was already, with Gortash or Durge at the helm, respectively.

Now time for my favourite of the reckless murder hobos; Durge. Given the few in game notes we have Durge had a thing for obliteration. Including but not limited to every living being + themselves. So let's just assume Gortash’s cocky upstart charm and Orins assassination attempt didn't work out as planned and they are still the de facto leader but now without any leash. Baldur's Gate is probably obliterated. Alongside whatever else remains of the sword coast. Or Troil. They'd probably also have some weird ass fuck relationship with the brain cuz they already did without being the undisputed leader. And the brain would probably discard the grand design themselves cuz somehow Durge has that effect on things (might be the innate charm magic of Bhaalist priests that they use to convince people to join a literal murder cult). Either way, with Durge not giving a single damn about the other chosen, any plans but Bhaals (or their misunderstood version of it) and a dramatic love for self-obliteration, it may finally be time to remedy the elves' mistake and rip Abeir-Toril apart properly. Ao hates this trick, alongside everyone else, probably including Bhaal himself.

Which is all my longwinded way of saying; Gortash is the lesser evil. In any set of circumstances he displays enough leniency, monster fucker vibes and rationality to somehow keep this ruined, sinking ship from hitting the sea floor immediately. He has enough of a twisted love for humanity left, compared to the others, to a degree that he doesn't blindly follow orders or actively seeks the destruction of everything, let alone 'true' domination the way Bane intends to have it.

But yes, indeed, Gortash performed fucked up and cruel experiments. No doubt about that. And yet it was still on a lesser scale than a mad massive hoard of necromancers could, and his experiments, for the most part, actually yielded results, didn't they? Presumably, the Coginator and the remote control brain mechanism used for the Steelwatch. After all, there are zombies(?) in there, controlling that shit. However, the experiments on loving families were probably one of his selfish indulgences and his sorry attempt at figuring out if he was just born loathsome and his family sucks ass or if that's normal and humanity doesn't deserve a second chance. Or a 30th. FR lore is fucked up.

This is also a great transition to exhibit B of my thesis why Gortash does in fact love or is at the very very very least heavily intrigued by humanity; the sole existence of the Steelwatch. Listen, my guy serves Bane. Bane hates planning. He likes immediate results. So much so he actively pisses off his situationship Bhaal for it. Repeatedly. And he likes fear and tyranny. So what do you think the chances are that the black hand would actually enjoy the thought of a mecha army patrolling the streets of Baldur's Gate, keeping them save, and worst of all, instilling hope in the hearts of the populous, peasants and nobles alike? Yeah, absolutely fucking none. And yet Gortash did that. And he's not even just a regular banite. He's Banes chosen. He carries a part of Bane's divinity within himself. He has the de facto highest position in the local faith. He's Banes favourite toy rn. He's the centre of attention and he still goes out of his way to use things that could 1000% inspire fear and hatred to sow fucking hope and a sense of safety of all things in plain sight? I bet his adorable wrinkly ass that Bane wasn't happy and that even a thousand rituals to redeem his leniency won't save him from getting tortured extra hard for this fuck up. And considering the state of the Banites scriptures we found, and his entire character, Gortash is smart enough to know this is something Bane absolutely loathes. And yet my guy did that.

Another thing is the hive mind. Bane would probably not hate it outright, as its still 'burning the fields' by turning souls illithid, but it's wasted potential. Because there's so many great things you can do with a hivemind and the remote control over people's thoughts and emotions, for example instilling fear and terror the very things Bane loves. But that's, once again, not Gortash plan. If the notes and one of the evil endings is anything to go by the hivemind doesn't trap people in a state of torment, it does the polar opposite. People are happy, enjoying a better, simpler and nicer life. Enjoying an idea of what their life could've been like. They're smiling, happy, enjoying a casual market stroll and the bountiful rewards of the fields. Which is all things that a good Banite should hate and never inflict on someone. AND YET that's presumably Gortashs plan. Create a hivemind where everyone can dream happily and do soulless labour without noticing it while the world goes to absolute shit but the people do not. It's basically noah's arc. It's paradise in hell. The people are 'saved' while the gods continue to fight their petty games, and Gortash alone lords over this perfect dream. Protecting it answer using it to advance further.

Now, about the busts found in his office. Most of them depicted rather unsavoury, cruel people. Except for one. Which honours a self made person who took pity on those who had less. On those considered lesser by the upright and honourable citizens of the Gate. It's weird how, between all those symbols and testaments to cutlery and tyranny, there's still a sliver of empathy, renegade justice and even care for fellow humans imbued, isn't it? And what's even weirder, all of them are found in Gortash's most private place? His own little office hidden far above the grandeur of the throne room and the Fortress, where he sits at the helm, lording over his subjects and scheming his little plans? This is an excellent example of show, don't tell btw. It's hitting you over the head with the implications. But just in case, this might very well be a reflection of Gortashs mind itself and the visible expression of him being incapable of letting go of humanity as a whole, still carrying it somewhere not even that well buried between the resentment and cruelty but out in plain view for everyone curious enough to touch it because what others reason would he have tob'play the benelovent ruler' in a place where no one sees it? Where only his most trusted and fellow Banites mingle?

And, ofc, as I am a durgetash truther, another exhibit. Him fucking Bhaals gore baby and putting a leash on it prematurely. You see, I've already talked about Banes likes and dislikes plenty so it should come as no surprise that the Edgelord Surpreme wouldn't hate carnage wrought upon foolish mortals by idiots who follow lesser gods than himself, since it would still somehow contribute to people being scared and panicking. But Gortash, being the ever faithful fuck up of a Banite, reigns in the Bhaalist and even the Myrkulites enough for that to kinda never really happen. He stopped the carnage from happening altogether, in fact, by giving the others enough scraps to keep them satisfied and from acting out but not enough freedom to fuck up his plans. I mean, heck he was apparently so convincing he managed to get Durge, again, biggest fan of self-obliteration, from going on an apocalyptic rampage cuz 'daddy I like his brain and I don't mean for dinner'. Him doing that actively contributed to preventing another Bhaalspawn crisis, which could've very well happened with Bhaals resurgence and revival, 2.5 loose canons and no ward of a random old guy in sight. But also him providing a clear goal and orders for Ketheric kept the lich from giving in to the sweet release of just not caring at all whatsoever. Everyone had their designated roles and boundaries and that was perhaps the only thing keeping this group of mentally unstable creatures from unleashing an apocalyptic nightmare; which again would've worked in their gods favour and technically didn't need any prevention.

And about the Gondians... Yeah this is gonna sound fucked up, cuz it is, but Gortash is actually treating them exceptionally nice. Their families are actually still alive and its not just a lie he's telling them, we don't actually see anyone getting flayed, strung up or tortured in some other way outright, they actually get to wear clothes and presumably they're fed enough to a degree that most of them can still somewhat work and the collar and the threat of your head exploding does suck but he could've also simply chained them to their work stations but they aren't. Let alone use charms or other beguiling and fucked up magic to force them into complacency. And they're not being resold or redistributed or forced to serve some random ass guy. The Gondians are, from a Forgotten Realms and probably Bane's perspective, treated exceptionally well. As are their families. Still undoubtedly fucked up and kinda sadistic with the whole explosion collar but objectively speaking he's one of the nicer slave masters. And they do allow him to produce the Steel Watchers en mass which once again contributes to the overall safety of Baldurs Gate and its other citizens. Still the lesser evil.

Though to be fair; Gortash also did some things Bane would really celebrate. Like somehow cheating his way into obtaining the Iron Throne, fucking Bhaals favourite and most fucked up """"child"""" and of course, keeping his parents alive and in agony to eternally fuel Banes fear kink. Except, it's only Sally who's afraid. Dravo is basically a blue screen of death personified at this point. He's a hollow, numb husk, isn't he? So somehow this once again doesn't align with Banes goals and Gortash's duty as a Banite. He's fucked it up again. But Gortash could've also simply killed them if all he wanted was revenge. Why go out of your ways, program elaborate scripts into them, keep the very place that testaments his fucked up past in good condition? Because a quick death would be too merciful? But then why is he so quick to turn on Durge if they betray him in a much smaller scale than his parents did. Well, perhaps he chose not to simply kill the very people who prepared Belladonna in the kitchen when he came to visit because he himself still needs them. Because underneath all that rage and spite there's still a broken boy who wants to hear his parents, albeit empty praise, and who wants to prove to them that he can be better? That his useless playing around actually helped better humanity, that he himself helped countess people and made lives better when all they thought he'd be useful as would be a pawn?

So, is it twisted? Yes. Is it rotten? Absolutely. Is it anything you'd consider to be 'conventional'? Absolutely not. But he does hold some wildly fucked up 'love' for humanity, if only as means to a grander goal (that being himself, ofc) or perhaps cuz he's genuinely incapable of letting go. Whether it's that, to spite Raphael, Bane and his parents or someone else, who knows. Probably nobody. But the shit he does is unorthodox and oddly self-sacrificial in a way where I just can't go, 'yeah no he absolutely loathes the sheer existence of the concept'.

I still think it's a missed opportunity he's not trying to build a spelljamming port though. I feel like he would absolutely do that somewhere down the line, if only to limit the black networks influence.

[hymnoeides]

Hey Ant :)))))

what fandom are you into??

Oooh aside from Mythos stuff(….pjo included)… Everything else is kinda on backseat bc once I focus on on one. But! Hmm from what I can recall rn

Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Honkai: Star Rail(only here for Sunday and Dan Heng atp), Hannibal……..

Other ones I haven’t talked about much, but they occupy my mind is iwtv, good omens, alien stage, and milgram(I was there since their first/second songs🚬) I was also a MXTX fan, before MDZS donghua even finished airing…

Ensemble Stars…. We. divorced. It’s complicated… I amwas HiiroP, KohakuP, and TatsumiP

Some of my creatures…..

I dabble in a lot of medias and even more by proxy so it’s likely I forgot some😭 hit me with one, I 70% might know something about it <3 but yeah

[sludgeguzzler]

i wouldve been such a fucking Tumblr ™ user if i had got to this site when i was a pre teen, it would genuinely haunt me forever

[stardew-shitposterino]

WAIT NO CUTE CAN I GO FIRST

Personality:

-bit of an introvert (agoraphobia is strong with me 😅)

-pretty happy most of the time!! I try to be as optimistic as I can be

-that being said of course sometimes I crash really hard and just need a few days to get myself back into that happy mindset

-people pleaser, but not in the sense that I have no boundaries. I just really enjoy seeing people happy with life and if I can help bring some of that happiness to them, I will!!

-actually extremely insecure which makes me recluse

-more of a couch potato, sure I like to be outside and stuff but I’m not much of a hiker. I’d rather lay on a blanket outside n watch the clouds or something

Likes/interests:

-pink. Anything stereotypical “girly girl” (I hate overly gendered stuff but it’s the best way to explain it. Glitter!!! Pink!! Butterflies!!! Flowers!!! All of that stuff

-this doesn’t usually reflect in my style though because I v much am a drabby tshirt and sweatpants person 😭

-that being said I also DO love dresses!! Like a lot, just not super short ones. I feel like I’m too exposed 😭

-I v much do art, I like to read but I’m not HUGE into it. Prefer to read manga over novels for sure

-unfortunately a weeb

-cats!!!

-my fav foods are queso, Alfredo, and any kind of soggy rice 😅

-I prefer psychological thriller kind of movies that make your head hurt!!!!

-dnd/Sanrio/care bears/ I FUCKING LOVE COWS

-I’m also just about in my late 20s but idk if that’s an interest at all? 😅

-and obviously video games, but stardew is actually the only ‘cozy/life simulator’ game I’ve ever played. More into Zelda and assassins creed :)

I think that’s it :) I’m bisexual so I will be happy with a Bachelor and bachelorette!!

Ily thank u for taking ur time to do this 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Oooh my first one ! This one is a bit tricky as I can see multiple matches for different reasons 👀 I’ll go with my gut feeling:

-Shane:

- I’m torn on him because there is a possibility of you two not being good for each other as you share some traits, but it could also be a possibility for you two to come to terms with your struggles (like insecurities) and find an open ear in one another.

-You both are homebodies and like similar kinds of food :D I could see you both ordering takeout and watching some new thriller that just released.

-Your more happy-mindset would also be a nice contrast to his more pessimistic outlook on life, but your “off-days” would show him that it’s ok to not always be 100% positive.

-He thinks you look so cute when you doll up and get all euphoric at your new clothes. Your interest in Sanrio would also be a good base for you and Jas to get along, two women in his life that mean a lot to him.

-he would be SO DOWN to play Tears of the Kingdom with you. Of course it’s a single player game, but just sitting next to each other and helping one-another out doing the quests on their respective switch, or just watching the other play and laugh at whatever stupid shit they can come up with instead of playing the main story hehehe.

-he likes chickens, you like cows, you two share a fondness of a cute farm animal, and it helps a ton with building up that relationship as you two like talking to them, or about them with each other.

-Abigail:

-It’s pretty clear why I chose her. She is a gamer, she loves adventures, she’s an introvert.

-you’re more a homebody, she’s kind of something in-between. You both can spend lazy Sundays together playing video games or you can go outside and wander around in nature or do something fun (if your agoraphobia allows it of course)

-the girl eats rocks…it’s save to say she’s more than happy to eat anything with you, so if you wanna eat rice or pasta every day, so be it.

-she’s not a girly girl, but I think she’d love to dye your hair at least once! You like pink, so why not get some colour in there that matches some of the dresses you wish you wore more often?

-I’m not sure whether she’d be a weeb, but she’d never say no to watching a Shonen anime with you, or even read the manga 👀

-Sebastian:

-why? He’s a nerd, he likes to be inside and play video games and code as his job.

-He’s an introvert like you, so he’d understand when you want to log off and be alone for a bit.

-You could watch movies together ! I HC that he isn’t that much into movies, but once he gets into it, he is very invested, so it could still work out !

-if you draw (because you said you do art), he’d be more than happy if you made some character models for the game he’s working on, or for his discord server etc. he isn’t the artsy type, so he’s more than impressed you are able to cook something up that looks incredible !

-he wouldn’t want to hike with you lmfao 😭 but he’d want to ride on his motorcycle with you, if you want to. Some adventure, but not too much physical activity, yet a lot of fun.

-He’s a weeb, your honour, I feel it in my bones. Do I have to say more ?

——————————————————————————

-all of them seem to be cat people (Shane might be a dog person, but for our sake I say he’s a chicken person and likes both cats and dogs alike, but chickens win) , so that’s also a plus for all :3

I hope you can sort of agree with my picks. Im sorry if I didn’t pick anyone you have hoped for, but I think these 3 are the best matches out of all the marriage candidates. I thought of maybe Leah, but your interest in art would be about one of the few things you’d have in common I fear. I think there are some others that COULD work, but when I read your summary, these came to my mind instantly lol.

Thanks for your submission !

[losercomputers]

Miku, Kikuo, My Childhood.

Not to sound lame or anything, but I hold a special place in my heart for Hatsune Miku, specifically her features in Kikuo's discog. Though, I def feel like this is a given, being that I raised myself here on this very internet, exposed to anything and everything vocaloid (and just a bunch of cringe weeb shit, in general, lol), and that I like the color blue, and miku has that long ass blue hair haha.

But I guess my point here, especially regarding this blog, is that Kikuo (aka Asian melancholic btw) was a major catalyst in encouraging my current ongoing love for electronic music, and while in the midst of listening to Miku 4 earlier today, I had the sudden urge to start writing about it.

Now now now, let me just say that Kikuo is a fucking MASTER track-maker. Their compositions are just soooooooo blissful to listen to and his tracks pay great respect and homage to their rightful sub-genres of orchestral, DnB, synthpop, ambient, glitch, etc while simultaneously portraying highly cryptic and evocative imagery via his lyricism.

I think if it weren't for the language barrier (I know a very super minimal amount of Japanese), I would have very different perspectives on life right this very moment had I even had a vague understanding of what any of Kikuo's lyrics meant, and another thing that I love about Kikuo is their attention to detail and clever use of Japanese colloquialisms.

"If I fall to hell, I'll be saved. If I rise to heaven, I'll meet you again. I love you, begging to be constricted in comfort. I love you, gasping in a childlike voice, "Strangle me, More, more"."

LIKE?!?!???!?

Love and companionship may be the very death of us and yet we struggle for it so badly. We fight tooth and nail for it, even if it suffocates us, even if at times we know it is the martyr of breaking us down and building us back up over and over again. As humans, we love that bullshit.

;

However, this is only one of the lighter themes that Kikuo explores...

A lot of the narratives they depict are typically quite grotesque and/or abstruse. From tracks that explore themes of abuse and suffering to tracks containing discourse on the concurrence between intimacy and cannibalism, they do not hold back.

So I'll keep this short and sweet and wrap this up here (or else I'd end up writing an entire dissertation on this).

What once stemmed from an innocent love for vocaloid music has now blossomed into me writing whatever the fuck this blog post is, and also experiencing a series of several mini existential crises after unpacking and developing my own interpretations of Kikuo's tracks.

Here's to Life, Death, Love, and Kikuo.

AND MIKU OFC

[softsky-daily]

9/29/2023

I don't even remember taking this sky picture but it does look nice.

Positive thing: I got some matcha boba today and reached out to an old friend. I also got to call my mom.

Said old friend and I chatted a little about the potential Japan trip. I know I really shouldn't get my hopes up because I have the distinct feeling my dad is gonna remind me I don't have Japan money and corral me into being responsible. But hey, a guy can dream.

On the bright side, my mom called me and indulged my Japan trip whims a little while. She didn't say yes or no but agreed it would be fun. She also remembered the name of my trans friend, which was very kind of her - it had been only recently I told her about her name and I was pleasantly surprised that even with how busy and far away she is she remembered that detail on her own.

If I go back to Japan I think I'd have a lot of fun showing around my friends since they've never been there before. I'd love to see more nature while I'm there too. But again, no guarantees I'm going at all.

Tomorrow I'm going to a 会話テーブル (Conversation Table) for Japanese Club which I made happen with my influence, a fact I find pretty funny. It's interesting what you can make happen just throwing ideas out into the world. I'm excited to be able to practice my Japanese but I'm a little nervous if people are going to participate deeply or not since the people at Japanese Club don't seem super serious about it to me. I shouldn't judge of course, but I'm always generally wary around weebs as a principle.

I wonder what outfit I should wear. I never used to think of myself as a fashion person but ever since my first trip to Japan and actually being exposed to clothes I like I find it fun to make outfits. Of course in Japan itself my fashion feels pretty average - but here it feels a lot more elevated somehow even when to me it's still kinda average. I guess because anything beyond jeans and a t-shirt here feels fancy.

Oh yeah, I started Persona 5 Royal properly today. I get the feeling I'm gonna end up really into it. It's funny because it perfectly recreated how lost I got in Shibuya so I think I'm off to a good start.

[sleepyivoryrose]

Thinking out loud

Oof, last days I got the feeling I consumed too much drama. So many youtubers and online personalities are getting exposed. Some for the good, others for the worse. I mean, if people are getting canceled for serious crimes, you know what? Karma. But sometimes people are just innocent, but you can’t see it until they proved themselves innocent and...cancel culture gives me a headache. Oh well, it doesn’t concern me, and it is not in my place to point fingers. I am not a superhero or someone so righteous that they can’t help themselves when they see something wrong- or, most of the times, something they think is wrong. 

For example, an artist group I like had certain allegations against them. Am I now a bad person for liking their art? Should I stop? I don’t know. 

It’s the cancel queen JKR all over again. 

Cancel culture is scary. People might want to out you just because you said something stupid on the internet once. That’s why I keep the hell away from difficult subjects and shut the fuck up, keep my opinions to myself. At least to a place, where people can’t see it or don’t care, like this blog. 

Sometimes I am really frikkin greatful that I am most of the time invisible, online and in real life. It’s a blessing in disguise. You can go your merry way, do whatever you please, without someone to publicly shame you or humiliate you. 

That’s why I don’t want to get famous. Ever. 

Too scary. Also, I would just ask too much of me. I’m just a stupid person on the internet who likes to talk to themselves. I don’t need that stress. 

To change the subject to a less heavy subject...

I have so many projects I want to work on. So many ideas, but not enough motivation to see them through. I used to be very passionate, but it was somehow drowned out by apathy one day without me noticing. 

Oof, still heavy. Give me a second...

(...)

Okay, I think I got my shit together. 

I am considering what mangas to take to the trip tomorrow. I shouldn’t take too many, but it’s 8 hours of traveling...”I can’t reach you” is an easy pick, it’s one of my new obsessions. It’s so fucking cuteeeee!! I love it. Makes my heart hurt of happiness. 

Maybe Blue Period too? But taking like, 10 volumes might be a bit much...

(...)

One of my caretakers came, also to wish me a good trip. Very kind of her. But it makes the anxiety slightly worse. It’s really happening, isn’t it? Oh god oh god oh god...

Okay, no panic on the titanic. I can do this. Even though my mouth dries and I’m cold. I can do this. I can do this...

...manga, yeah. We were talking about that. 

Blue Period. Freaking good manga, specially if you take art seriously. Takahanashi is my baby. But maybe a bit too dark for a light read...? it gets really dramatic. 

Thinking about manga, I saw a few analysis on youtube about Records of Ragnarok. Normally I don’t really like battle anime, i don’t get the hype around it, but the gods vs humans kinda stuff really...it really gets me XD

The art seems to be really good, at least in the manga. 

Maybe I’ll give it a watch. Or a read. Better a read, yes. 

But I’m already reading SpyxFamily, Blue Period, I Can’t Reach You and a Shoujo from Mika Yamamori, I can’t start another series that isn’t finished...!

Also- why are thots following me everywhere? On social media, that is. I wish I had rizz enough in real life, I’m the epidemy of a weeb. On the other hand...I really love En-sama. I can’t leave him. He was there for me when no one else was. I kinda owe it to him, as stupid as it sounds. 

I’m just listening to music and one of my favorite songs of Megatera Zero came on. He has such a beautiful voice. A real blessing. It hypes me up everytime I listen to it. Makes me happy. 

I think I’ll end it on that note. 

Time to do my best to relax and take it easy, so that tomorrow I am at my full strength!  HYAAAAAAHHH I CAN DO THIIIIIISSSS!!!

[asteristories]

Hi! If you had to describe each character as a song (you don't have to explan why, if it's spoilery 👀), which song would they be? And which song would be the anthem for their romance path?

Hoooo boy. It was actually really difficult for me to chose the songs bc a lot of them fit, but I think these are good enough (Until I find something better that is). All these songs are ones I personally enjoy and are familiar with. 

Though, the songs only really fit them around 60%-80% of the time. I’ll let you guys guess and speculate which parts/lyrics. 👀 👀 👀...

I’m also leaving the youtube links here you can take a listen and...uh, imagine stuff. Also to support the music creators and artists.

_____

Sterling: “Unravel” English Cover Acoustic Vers. (Character Song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK2_tQD6nYA

              “Last StartDust” English Cover (Romance Anthem) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7XQIua7V3w 

_____

Falken: “Best Day of My Life” (Character Song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVY7hhI3pKA

             “When Can I See You Again” (Romance Anthem)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s2ISBhc4YU

_____

Romero: “Hello World” English Cover  (Character Song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEAMcxuFPB0

               “FGO Shikisai” English Cover (Romance Anthem)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzJ0u6cwQ00

_____

Zhang: “The Nights” (Character Song) *Tbh this one less relates to their character and more on their backstory. Hopefully I find their character theme soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSnBlJbvX1E

             “Tell Me” English Cover (Romance Anthem)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMoqarhj6fU

_____

Thank you anon for such a fun ask!

[himboinigo]

Caspar?

my dude

Full Name: Caspar Minuit

Gender and Sexuality: cis dude? probably gonna change this. bi

Pronouns: he/him

Ethnicity/Species: no clue yet

Birthplace and Birthdate: somewhere in ny, july 26 1624

Guilty Pleasures: he's not very guilty about them but dude loves rats, eating bad pizza, and being snobby about Broadway

Phobias: being abandoned or being useless

What They Would Be Famous For: being recorded singing or maybe making videos about his rats ekdkfk

What They Would Get Arrested For OC: breaking into the Tony's skddk

You Ship Them With: no one

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Mia 100% would

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: history

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: no clue lol

Talents and/or Powers: singing. man belts like crazy

Why Someone Might Love Them: rat man 😌

Why Someone Might Hate Them: everything about him

How They Change: not really sure. he doesn't really have a story and I haven't developed his childhood a lot lol

Why You Love Them: garbage, garbage, garbage man 😌

[lockhvrts]

.

[detrcitmade]

Doing some research bc apparently I am gonna write this fanfic

[doevademe]

Any songs that remind you of percico?

I feel like I can't do this question justice. My music taste is super weird. I love narratives in songs like Sound Horizon, Evillious Chronicles or musicals in general, so the songs I listen to all the time are too specific to make me think of Percico except in an AU were they act out the song's story.

[opinated-user]

I said it was slightly problematic at worst, but that’s because it is. You’re completely neglecting to look at what Lily actually did. She made a few jokes at the expense of weebs, which is a mockery of anime fans, not Japanese people. She made a remark about how it was weird to call ramen noodles as such, since that’s really no different than calling something like rigatoni “rigotani” instead of just “noodles”. She supposedly read and liked a book with racist stuff in it, but that’s not something with any evidence to it. To say what she actually did was racist or even bad could only come from arriving at a conclusion before seeing what actually happened.

I said that “at worst” statement before any evidence of her fetishizing black women was brought in, and I’m writing this before any evidence was brought in because it doesn’t actually exist. However I am sorry that I didn’t clarify I wasn’t talking about her supposedly fetishizing black women in that statement, I should’ve clarified more. Unlike their other accusations, saying Lily’s fetishizing black women is an extreme and broad accusation and to take them at their word without any actual quotes or clips or any actual reason to believe Lily did anything wrong would be immoral. What they gave wasn’t evidence, it was a testimony that doesn’t come close to aligning with reality. If Lily actually was fetishizing black women I’d completely agree, but she isn’t.

I don’t dismiss the proof unless it’s completely incongruous with reality. Saying someone did a thing isn’t evidence, it’s a statement that should be followed by evidence. Also I already knew about most of what she was talking about, and those which I didn’t are things I looked for proof on and asked for actual proof on. Given that whenever I did ask for actual proof they said “find it yourself” (which you can’t because the proof isn’t real), I’d say it was justified for me to not always take them at their word.

Finally, I should add one extremely important addendum. In her video on internet stalking, she mentions she’s been involved in some horrible takes in the past and holds nothing against people who remain angry with her because of them. Speaking as a non binary person myself, I found it alienating when she said “non binary people are, by their very definition interesting, and you (Rebecca Sugar) managed to make that boring.” since it treated enby identities as this fascinating and alien thing rather than just a normal thing people can be. I’m not angry with her about that, but I certainly wouldn’t blame anyone who was angry at things she’s actually said and done. Lily’s said some bad things, I’m not denying that, but what happened here had nothing to do with anything Lily actually said. It had to do with people wanting her to be the bad guy and finding every excuse to paint her as such. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and she deserves better than the rumors so many people propagate.

LO is a predator with multiple allegations of sexual misconduct that include, but it's not limited to:

-catfishing in order to coerce someone into sexual activity under false pretenses.

-getting nudes of a person without their informed consent.

-threatening to publish revenge porn.

-openly cheating an ex.

-pushing against the boundaries of her ex to do sexual art for her.

-taking advantage of a mentally ill disabled artist to make more sexual art of her.

-make a whole smear campaign about said artist when they came out about the situation.

-flashing on YouTube not one, not two, but three times. the first time wasn't even age restricted. the last time MO joined in.

-try to expose herself in front of a friend who didn't want that.

-seeking to invite a fan into her house to have sexual relations during a stream.

-not tagging lewd or NSFW content on her blog, where she knows minors follow her because they tell her, only after a lot of people asking her over and over to do so.

-sexualizing Ace characters specifically with non human creatures.

-sexualize shows meants for children with no warning, tagging or age restriction.

-expose her audience constantly to her incest fetish without warning.

-treating black women as "exotic zoo animals" and then dismiss it entirely in order to pain herself as the victim of the black people who expressed those feelings.

i'm sure there's more but this is what i thought off the top of my head.

if this was just one person i'be skeptical. but not when two of them have been presenting screenshots of what they went through with LO for years now, having zero previous relationship between each other, and the other LO is desperate to smear with a new awful claim that contradicts everything she said before, wishing death upon her in public.

i can't on good conscience chalked it up to a coincidence. not after seeing myself the way LO constantly crosses boundaries, abuses her audience and dismisses even the most valid complaint about her attitude with the ease of someone that is used to make excuses for themselves. you might feel comfortable dismissing entirely such claims without bothering to do proper research. i'm not.

if you came to know about LO and think the only reason we have these blogs is because of her bad takes and that you're going to help her defending her ignorant remarks, you'll be severely dissapointed and she won't appreciate whatever is that you're attempting here.

[mickgaydolenz]

i'm digging the weeb-grave deeper <3 top five anime?

jo…….jo…… exposing me like this, for everyone to see 😔 (but also thank you interweb bestie 💖💖💖💖💖) p.s i fucking dare you to post your top five anime so we can both go down in this weeb trashfire together 💖😊

1. Monster - both the anime and manga wrecked me. destroyed me. husked me out into nothing but a hollow thing of a person. i could go on for fucking YEARS as to why this is the best anime of all time, but let me just sum it up by saying i’ve never experienced a more well thought out plot, a more well developed cast of characters, or a more well developed world in my whole fucking life and i will go to the grave believing that. also i’m full on in love with eva, she is my everything, my sun, my moon, the light in my life etc 💖💖💖✌️😔

2. Okay this is kind of cheating because it’s the franchise i love and not one anime in particular BUT Lupin The Third - my twin and i both fucking love the Lupin franchise. one of the old series, i think green jacket??? aired on tv when we were younger and we were fucking HOOKED. i’ve subsequently gone through most of the movies (my favourites being harimao’s treasure, twilight gemini, ans the secret of mamo). Also fucking LOVED the newer series The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (fujiko, my love, what a fucking great character ✌️😩).

3. This is for nostalgia’s sake so it’s a tie between Azumanga Daioh and Hamtaro - both of these anime series were huge for me as a kid (as well as sailor moon and naruto) but these two really meant a lot to me. Azumanga Daioh became like a comfort series that i’d rewatch a lot, especially in the summer. and fun fact! it’s the only series where i prefer the english dub. and jo as you know hamtaro was a feral obsession for me. those hamsters got into my brain and never left. my childhood bestfriend (whom i’m no longer friends with) my sibling and myself would draw those hamsters 25/7. i also loved the games (hamtaro hamham heartbreak is still one of the best games ever no one can fucking convince me otherwise)

4. Ookiku Furikabutte (or as I affectionately call it fruity booty) - time to out myself as sports anime trash :))). this (and One Outs) is probably my all time favourite sports anime. i don’t even know how to explain it fr, i never thought i’s be a sports anime person. also the characters dynamics are tropey as hell, like so typical animu, but i love them so much anyways??? and it’s so gay??? mihashi is a precious babygirl and i need to protect him with my whole body.

5. I’m cheating again but these all kind of have the same vibes so i can’t distinguish between them so Neon Genesis Evangelion (the original series)/Serial Experiments Lain/Alien Nine - okay so i hated Eva the first time i tried to watch it, but then when it was put on netflix i decided to watch it again and loved it??? similarly i tried i think 3 times to watch Serial Experiments Lain and finally finished it last year?? Alien Nine is also technically a series of ova’s, but that shit is so bizarre i fucking love it. anyways these are all perfect examples of the weird side of anime i like where it’s a little psychological horror, a little existential dread, and a little bit of mystery action. also unironically i fucking love the openings for Eva and Serial Experiments Lain, they slap so fucking hard dude

[cupidhaos]

underneath the cherry blossoms

pairing: vernon chwe x reader

word count: 1.8k

genre: straight up fluff, slice of life, first meetings, highschool au

summary: first meetings and first love - we go back to the moment where vernon experiences both at the same time.

warnings: swearing

a/n: i was going back to edit these to add in the genre and a link and i was rereading this and thought that this was probably my favorite one i’ve written so far just because its so cute and fluffy it hurts it pains me actually

[part of my What is Love? series]

“come on vernon! we’re gonna be late!” seungkwan yelled as he ran ahead of his friend towards the school gates. vernon mindlessly nods as he checks his book bag for the tenth time - making sure that he had everything that he needed with him.

“i’m coming just wait!” vernon answers once he realizes seungkwan was already on school grounds as vernon hurriedly tries to catch up to his friend. but as soon as he looks up, seungkwan was already gone and out of sights.

letting out a frustrated breath of air - vernon aimlessly begins walking around the unfamiliar campus grounds. he looks up at the buildings as he starts to study the area. he turns and walks down the pathway that was lined with trees on either sides of them.

it was mid march, and the cherry blossom trees were just beginning to bloom. vernon stands in place as he looks up at the trees in awe - watching as they slowly move with the wind in a nice harmony.

“mingyu! eunwoo! come on! the others are probably already there waiting for us!” a voice yelled from a distance, breaking vernon from his trance. he snaps his head forward at the calming - but very loud - voice. he stares at the end of the pathway in curiosity.

“y/n what are you running so fast for? trying to get the first years to fall in love with you or something?” another voice asks as someone else laughs. he hears - who he assumes is y/n, huff angrily before yelling at the two of them two shut their mouths.

it was then that vernon finally saw the identity of the person who had just been yelling not too long ago as they run in front of him. the entire moment felt as if everything around him had slowed down.

as a gust of wind picked up - the cherry blossom trees surrounding the pathway released an enormous amount of petals as if they were snow gently falling from the sky.

not too far ahead of him - vernon watches as y/n runs past with a smile on her face that made anyone feel at peace. she looks behind as she continues to yell at two boys who walk slowly behind her. vernon couldn’t make out the words she said as everything surrounding him seemed like a blur.

as the cherry blossoms continued falling around - y/n turns her head and the two finally meet eyes. a shocked look covered her face, but it was soon replaced with a large smile. vernon’s eyes widen as he makes eye contact for the first time with the person that he would refer to later on as his first love.

just like that - she was gone within a blink of an eye and everything seemed to have picked backup again. he was able to hear her distant yelling getting further and further and before he knew it, he felt his feet begin to move towards the direction. he was stopped though as he felt the back of his shirt being tugged harshly.

“how many times do i have to tell you to pay attention to your surroundings?! the entrance ceremony is already starting and we’re late! first off - you’re going the wrong way you already passed the gym. ALSO -” vernon slowly begins to tune out seungkwan’s scoldings as he’s being dragged towards the gym. his eyes lingering towards where y/n ran off to.

during the entire entrance ceremony, seungkwan and chan sat on either side of him and the two of them were silently arguing back and forth about something he didn’t quite care about. yet all vernon was able to think about was that moment. where the two of them had saw one another while the cherry blossoms fell around them. he couldn’t stop thinking about the familiar feel that he got when they had both locked eyes.

once the ceremony was done - he immediately went to go look for her.

“i’m going to excuse myself now - i’ll catch up with the two of you later.” vernon tells his two friends before quickly exiting the gym. sooner or later, he found himself in the exact same spot that he stood before a couple hours earlier. only this time the pathway was crowded and filled with other students - making it harder for vernon to find who he was looking for.

he looks around, trying to find her within the sea of people crowding the wide pathway. weaving and excusing himself through others in order to find the person who wouldn’t leave his mind for the last couple hours.

with no luck in finding her, he finally makes it out of the crowd and towards the sides. he hands his head low in defeat as he stands by one of the cherry blossom trees. feeling someone bump into him, he raises his head to apologize before feeling his breath stop once he did.

“sorry! oh! its you! the guy from earlier!” y/n gasps excitedly as she points at vernon. all vernon could do was simply nod at her since he wasn’t able to muster up any actual words. two unfamiliar boys stand behind her. “y/n do you know him?” one of the boys asks.

y/n opens her mouth to say something before quickly closing it. a sheepish look covers her face as she scratches the back of her head. “uh… well you see… not particularly… i just kinda saw him earlier before meeting up with hao and the others.” she explains and the other boy with silver hair just shakes his head.

“stop harassing the first years y/n”

“jeonghan be quiet! he’s gonna get the wrong idea about me! joshua tell him!” “haha um well…”

vernon watches the exchange between the three of them before speaking up. “i’m hansol vernon chwe but you can just call me vernon but some of my friends call me nonie” he introduces politely. loud gasps come from y/n and the guy named joshua as they looked at him.

“chwe?! like studiochwe?!”

“the popular anime account on twitter with like sixteen thousand followers?!”

vernon feels his face heat up - never had he expected to be exposed like this in public. “um, uh, yeah -” “wait yeah! it totally is you! i recognize your face!” joshua claims and vernon just starts to laugh nervously at the sudden exposure of his twitter account.

y/n suddenly grabs ahold of both of vernon’s hands as joshua places one of his hands on his shoulder., catching him way off guard. joshua was the first one to begin talking. “join our club! we’re an anime club and if we want to stay as a club we need five members to be official or-”

y/n cuts him off, “ - they’re gonna shut down our club! i’m a member and joshua’s a member and and so is this silver hair wannabe victor nikiforov! our other member seungcheol is off trying to flirt with some girl right now but i swear you won’t regret joining our club we’re all really cool and we watch animes together and we also -”

her ramblings were cut off as the silver haired boy covers her mouth with his hand. “y/n. joshua. calm down. you’re overwhelming him. and my name isn’t ‘silver hair wannabe victor nikiforov’ it’s yoon jeonghan. join our club, don’t join, i don’t really care.” he tells vernon.

vernon immediately wanted to decline the invitation since he didn’t really want the first club he joined in high school to be the anime club. yet as he looked at the hopeful look on y/n’s face and the warmness that it gave his chest, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“...okay i’ll join”

joshua and y/n immediately erupted in cheers and the two of them pull vernon into a celebratory hug. jeonghan just sighs from where he stood and shakes his head at the two of them while a soft smile plays at his lips.

“you saved us vernon chwe!”

“you’re our hero thank GOD!”

the two continuously praise him and the blush on vernon’s face doesn’t seem to go away. his eyes never left y/n and he couldn’t bring himself to look away from her even if he wanted to. after awhile the two finally let go of him and vernon was finally able to catch his breath.

“i have two other friends that watch anime as well. i think that one of them would be interested in joining your club actually” vernon speaks up after awhile. coincidentally, the two other friends he had been talking about had showed up.

“vernon…you left me alone… with chan… ” seungkwan seethes as he stalks up to their group. vernon sheepishly laughs as he looks at his friend. “speaking of the devils…”

seungkwan opens his mouth to say something before chan cuts him off  “are you guys upperclassmen? do you know if theres an anime club around here?”

soon enough, joshua and chan are engaged in a deep conversation about their favorite character from demon slayer as y/n interrogates seungkwan into joining the anime club.

“you’re one of vernon’s friends that watches anime right? join our club!”

“like hell i AM. vernon. first you leave me TWICE now you’re exposing my weeb tendencies? whatever happened to loyalty?”

one heated argument and two new anime club members later. the group along begins walking towards the school entrance. a defeated seungcheol joins them along the way as vernon walks behind the group. stopping and noticing this, y/n slows her step and leaves where she stood next to jeonghan to stand by vernon.

she smiles up at him and vernon returns it. the feeling that he gets when he looks at y/n is something that he has never felt before. it felt like the moment the protagonist meets the person that they fall in love with. it felt like an instant connection when the two had met eyes. it was as if he was seeing and meeting someone from his past even though he knew it was their first time meeting.

“we’re gonna get ice cream to celebrate our new members - you coming with?” y/n asks him, looking up at him with a curious look on her face. again, vernon couldn’t help but agree immediately.

“great! i can’t wait to eat some strawberry ice cream!” “strawberry? i’m more of a vanilla guy.”

“pfft you gotta keep it fruity dude. vanilla’s so plain!”

a sudden feeling of deja vu washed over him as they continued onto their walk towards the nearest convenience store. the smile never left her face though throughout their conversation.

vernon didn’t know what this feeling was - but he knew that he always wanted to keep that smile on her face. even if it meant having her smile be directed towards someone else, he felt the urge to protect it no matter what.

-

moments of love masterlist

[binniesthighs]

okay so first off. hi welcome back! hehe :]

secondly. when i saw the words jisung and hentai lover in the same sentence my mind went BRRRR I LOVE THAT cute little horny weeb jisung is so :(( AND imagine he owns a dakimakura (those anime pillows) and grinds on them when he feels needy and you catch him one day so you’re like “oh? 😏” then make him grind on it until he cums at least 2-3 times before letting him fuck you 💖

send me your hard thoughts or nsfw confessions! <3 

awe thank you so much ina!! 💖

also ummmm my weeb ass too??? my mind goes BRRR at this as well ahahaha (yo lol tonight is the night of exposing myself but....would i watch hentai with jisung and love every moment of it?? yes. yes I would.) 

oh my god PILLOW HUMPING tho?? i don’t think that i’ve talked about this yet on my blog before??? how??? but fuck yes, brattysub!jisung and all of his anime pillows phew my brain goes BONK thinking about catching him grinding on one of those pillows with his breathy little moans as he edges himself FRICK (ina you’ve awakened something in me) you’d ask him to keep going while looking at you while he does. you watch the way that he gets needier and needier while he grinds his pillow and grabs at the edges of it for balance. he’d make a sticky mess all over it too until he begs one more time to let him fuck you at last. you agree, and now you’ll be the one grinding over him 😉